First year of motherhood: hardest things and what I learned
The first year of motherhood has been a whirlwind of challenges and blessings. Sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and moments of pure joy have tested my patience and faith. Read along as I share what I learned in this first year of motherhood.
In this post, I want to share my personal experience from the first year of motherhood. I’ll discuss sleep deprivation, the emotional rollercoaster, and how God’s grace has helped me through moments of doubt. I’ll also reflect on body image, the support system I’ve built, and celebrating milestones like my daughter’s first birthday. Motherhood has been an emotional journey, but it’s also been a time of growth and trust in God’s plan for my life.
1. The Challenge of Sleep Deprivation
When you ask me what the hardest thing in the first weeks was I have a simple answer: no sleep. Let me say here that this is not everyone’s experience. I have friends (who I didn’t like at 3 a.m. 😉 ) who have children sleeping through the night two weeks after birth. Our experience was a little different. In the early days and maybe even weeks after birth our girl didn’t sleep whenever we wanted to sleep. They tell you to sleep whenever the baby sleeps and I really tried. But in practice, I also needed to shower, eat, pum,p and enjoy the visitors we had. Whenever the baby was sleeping she was on me anyway. At night it took me a long time to get her to sleep and when she finally did I struggled to lay her into her crib.
This is no joke for your mental health. Sleep deprivation is one big risk factor for postpartum depression. Therefore you really should try to prevent a lack of sleep for a too long period.
If this is one of your biggest struggles let me share what I learned those first months.
1. Help your baby to take naps throughout the day. I did contact naps in the baby carrier for the first 6 months straight but it made all the difference in how rested our baby was going into the night. You might not need to follow a nap schedule in the first months but you will learn quickly what your baby needs.
2. Learn how to properly co-sleep actually share your bed with your baby. This made all the difference for your bad nights and made hard things bearable. Sleeping in the same bed can be done safely. Read this blog where I share everything about it.
Luckily this period didn’t last forever for us. Even though our girl still wakes up during the night for feedings she learned to fall asleep right after that. In this blog, I share our journey of sleep-training our baby girl. But even before we did that, I could put her down most nights and get some hours of sleep.
2. The Thrills and Challenges of Becoming a New Mom
When I reflect on the changes and adjustments of the past year, I can honestly say it’s probably been the hardest year of my life. But not in a bad way—in an amazing way!
I absolutely love being a mom. Watching my baby girl grow brings me so much joy. She’s not just the cutest and funniest little person I know; she’s also a beautiful reflection of the love my husband and I share. That being said, it’s not all rainbows and ponies.
Managing Anxiety and Fear of the Unknown
One of the hardest things for me was the sudden wave of anxiety I’d never known before. Before becoming a mother, I feared many things, but it was always about me and my husband. Even when it involved others, it was always adults—people who could protect themselves. But in those first months of motherhood, I felt this overwhelming fear that someone could hurt my baby girl. And even worse: that I could hurt her. She was completely dependent on me, and she trusted me with everything. I felt an intense pressure not to mess this up.
Another challenge was simply not knowing what I was doing. As a first-time mom, I had to learn everything from scratch. And that was tough! I doubted myself over even the smallest things, like a crying baby. Along the way, I learned that being a good mom doesn’t look the same for everyone. As new moms, we need to stop comparing ourselves so much to others.
My best advice? Trust your instincts and rely on your village. But more on that later!
Feel free to read my blog about how I stopped feeling like a failure as a new mom.
Big Adjustment to a New Life
Not everyone loves their new life as a mom, and I think there’s room to grieve your old life. In my experience, the “Nadja” I was before becoming a mom is gone. But I’ve come to like this new version of myself, and I’ll expand on that thought in the next paragraph.
Motherhood doesn’t just bring changes to your identity—it also completely shifts your lifestyle. Suddenly, you’re on a strict sleep schedule, drowning in diaper changes, and with a baby hanging on your breast all day long. Within the first year, our routines and habits changed so much that I don’t even remember what those early weeks and months felt like. My advice? Focus on adjusting to the needs of your baby right now. Don’t fixate on the numbers or milestones in the books. If you have a happy baby, trust that you’re doing a great job. And even if your baby isn’t always happy, there might be little you can change. It’s about accepting it and letting go of the pressure to be perfect.
If you’re struggling with feeling overwhelmed, check out my blog where I share tips on how to be less overwhelmed as a new mom.
Becoming a Better Person
When I became a mom, I thought I’d instantly become a better person. I imagined I’d always be a good example, never argue with my husband, keep the toys minimal, and never use screen time in front of my baby. As you can guess, that was an unrealistic expectation. For more on how I learned to let go of perfectionism, check out my blog.
I might not have become the “perfect” person, but I’ve gotten to know myself in ways I never expected. I now see strengths and weaknesses in myself that I never noticed before. It’s been a beautiful opportunity to grow and change. For me, it’s been a constant prayer that the Lord guides my husband and me, shaping us more into His image.
What I’ve learned in this first year is that I am capable of loving with a deeper love than I ever imagined. Looking at my baby—and now my toddler—makes me pause and reflect on the immense love our heavenly Father has for us.
3. Breastfeeding
One crucial part of my motherhood journey has been breastfeeding. I know this topic is a big one for nearly every new mom. If you’re debating breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding, don’t stress—fed is best.
Our breastfeeding journey didn’t start smoothly. It involved nipple shields, pumping in front of strangers, and exposing my boobs multiple times a day in the hospital. After the first few weeks, I struggled with clogged ducts and an overwhelming milk supply. But I’m so glad I pushed through that tough stage. If you’re curious about how I managed, check out my blog on breastfeeding basics for new moms.
Once we “figured out” breastfeeding, my daughter’s growth didn’t quite match the expected curve. Our healthcare providers had us come in every other week for measurements, but I knew she was healthy—happy, easygoing, and active. After months of worry from our counselor, they finally agreed: everything was fine.
Now, at the one-year mark, I’m still breastfeeding her every day. She still doesn’t drink much water, so breastfeeding has remained our go-to source of nourishment. While it required a lot of my time, I’ve truly enjoyed being her only source of milk. Well, most of the time 😉
4. Balancing Work and Motherhood: The Working Mom Journey
I can’t imagine going back to a full-time job after a short maternity leave. For us, this past year has been a steep learning curve in figuring out how to balance work and motherhood.
I’m a working mom, but I only work part-time. In the beginning, I felt guilty for not staying home with my baby full-time. Even though my husband takes care of her while I’m at work, I felt like I was missing something. For the first four months, I stayed home, fully embracing my maternal role. When I transitioned back to work, I started going to the office for short periods, several times a week. This worked well since our baby wouldn’t drink from a bottle. But it also meant a lot of travel back and forth between home and work. Eventually, I managed to work from home most of the time, going into the office just two days a week. That routine worked so well for us that we decided to keep it. Still, I’d love to be a stay-at-home mom one day.
If you dream of being a stay-at-home mom but feel like it’s not financially possible, check out my blog.
For me, balancing work, motherhood, marriage, and self-care was a huge challenge. But it all comes down to this: do what fits your life. If you have free hours, try to fit in some work. If not, and you can afford not to, simply don’t.
5. Body Image After Baby: Embracing the New You
Adjusting to the new version of my body took much time last year. Before giving birth, I thought it wouldn’t be such a big deal to me. But I can clearly remember the first time I looked at my belly after birth. The loose skin was so much change from what I was used to, and it honestly grossed me out. If this isn’t just a little thing for you either, let’s take the time to deal with the physical shift you’re going through. The postpartum changes to your body are just as much change as the adjustments during pregnancy. There’s nothing wrong with missing your old body. For me, I especially missed my fitness and strength!
That said, it can get out of hand really quickly. Some moms let how they look after birth dictate their entire motherhood experience. I learned quickly that social media didn’t help this at all. If you struggle with this, check out my blog on how to love your body after baby.
Some moms change more than others. While I have friends who looked almost the same two weeks after birth as they did before pregnancy, it took me a whole year to lose my pregnancy weight. I wrote all about it in my blog. The only way we can grow in self-love and acceptance as first-time mothers is by redefining beauty and embracing our new bodies. That takes much time, but looking back on this first year as a mom, I’ve learned so much about just that.
6. The Role of Your Support System
Having a strong support system has been one of the best things about my first year of motherhood. Relying on family and friends has been so important, even though both our parents live far away. The best thing about that was that my parents stayed for a longer time when they visited. That way they were able to help with all kinds of things rather than just popping in for a visit. Seeing our parents become grandparents was one of the most amazing things to watch. It was tough not having them nearby, but it made me lean on others more. My partner has been a huge part of our team. Parenthood really is a partnership, and we share everything—both the joy and the challenges.
I’ve also grown closer to my friends who are moms. Building a community of other moms has been a game-changer for me. Mom friends are like that best friend who really get it. Connecting with them has made motherhood feel less lonely and more manageable.
I’ve found support in unexpected places too—my church and even neighbors have become a big part of my village. The whole family, along with these other connections, has given me more free time and helped me feel less overwhelmed. There are a lot of things you don’t expect when you become a mom, but a strong support system makes it so much better.
7. Celebrating Milestones: Our Baby’s First Birthday and More
In that first year of life, there are so many first things. I remember the first time our daughter made her little ‘aaaa’ sound, repeating after me at just three weeks old. Then came her first smile, laugh, roll, crawl, and even her first tooth. Each new thing she did felt like a milestone for me too. Babies are such pure souls—there’s no pressure to impress or perform. They’re simply exploring their bodies and discovering new things around them.
This first year really felt like a blink of an eye. One year is such a short time, and so much happens with a little baby. I had to learn to react with humor to the comments others made about my baby. To me, she was perfect—there was nothing strange or wrong about her, even when she threw food all over my aunt’s living room as we introduced solid foods.
When her first birthday approached, I felt both proud and a little bit sad. I blew up too many balloons and invited family from far away to celebrate her first year of life. What a gift it was!
My best piece of advice is to be there with your baby. Don’t stress about capturing every moment on camera. The simple, everyday moments, are just as precious as any big milestone like her first words and first steps.
8. The Reality of Diaper Changes and Grocery Store Adventures
Diaper changes quickly become part of the rhythm of life once you become a mom. It’s just something you do—often and without much thought. But, oh, those diaper blowouts! I remember one grocery store trip like it was yesterday. We were done shopping and heading to the car when I noticed my baby starting to squirm. Sure enough, by the time I got to the parking lot, I could smell the evidence: a full-on blowout. So, there I was, in the middle of the parking lot, trying to do a diaper change in the car. I was juggling wipes, a squirming baby, and the mess, all while getting a few curious looks from other shoppers passing by. It was a lot of work, to say the least!
But here’s the thing: in the moment, it was overwhelming. I was stressed and embarrassed, thinking, “Why does this always happen when I’m out in public?” But looking back, it’s one of those stories I laugh about now. I can see the humor in it and realize that every day of motherhood brings a new challenge, but it also brings moments that you’ll cherish. It’s all about finding a sense of humor in the chaos of daily life, even when diaper changes and grocery store adventures aren’t going as planned.
9. Embracing the Big Adjustments and Psychological Changes
Hey friend, I just want to talk about something real. The first year of motherhood comes with so many emotional ups and downs. For me, there was a lot of anxiety—feeling like I wasn’t doing enough or that I didn’t have enough time for myself. It was tough at times, and those difficult moments really took a toll on my mental health. While I haven’t personally experienced postpartum depression, I know it’s a real thing that many new moms face.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. There’s no shame in talking to someone, even if it’s just for support. Sometimes, just acknowledging it can make a huge difference. Managing stress and taking care of your mental health should always be a priority. You’ll be a better mom when you give yourself the grace to ask for help.
I don’t think self-care has to be a daily routine, but rather something you do whenever you feel like you need it, especially during tough times. For me, self-care isn’t about having a perfect skincare routine or taking long baths every night. It’s more about listening to my body and mind. Some days, it’s just taking a few minutes to breathe deeply and go to the Lord in prayer asking for strength. Other times, it’s about giving myself permission to take a nap or asking for help when I need a break.
It’s important to set aside time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes here and there. It could be as simple as reading a book, going for a walk, or chatting with a friend. Find what feels right for you. For me, reaching out to my support system—whether it’s a close friend or family member—helped me feel less alone during tough times. And don’t forget about the power of prayer or reflection. Being kind to yourself is key to feeling grounded and ready to take on motherhood.
10. Staying at Home: The Stay-at-Home Mom Experience
Being mostly a stay-at-home mom has been an amazing experience, but also full of challenges. The emotional highs are incredible—watching my little one grow, learn, and hit new milestones. But there are also tough times. Some days feel long, and the little time for myself can be hard to manage. I’ve had to build a routine to balance everything, but it’s always a work in progress. Read this amazing blog of my friend Tahnee about hobby ideas for stay-at-home moms.
Coping with isolation can be one of the biggest challenges. It’s easy to feel disconnected from the outside world. I call my mom friends and sisters a lot to stay connected and share how I’m feeling. Social connections have been vital, so I make time for these conversations. Even though I’m not at work most of my week, I’ve grown personally. I’ve discovered strengths and skills I didn’t know I had.
If you’re a stay-at-home mom, check out my blog where I share the best parenting books for us. It’s been a whole year, and I’ve learned a lot!
The first thing I learned as a stay-at-home mom is how important it is to be present for your child. It’s easy to get distracted by everything around the house, but those moments with your little one are precious. Even during the hard times when it feels overwhelming, taking a deep breath and fully engaging with your child can make such a difference.
My best piece of advice to other stay-at-home moms is to embrace the small moments. The cuddles, the giggles, and the quiet time together—these are the things that build your bond and shape your child’s world. Even on tough days, don’t forget to cherish those moments.
My second piece of advice is to embrace the chaos. There will be days when things feel overwhelming. But remember, you’re doing an amazing job. Even if things don’t go as planned, you’re showing up for your baby, and that matters the most.
Conclusion
Reflecting on the first year of motherhood, I’m filled with a mix of emotions. It has been a year of immense growth, both for me and my baby. The challenges—sleepless nights, the endless diaper changes, the overwhelming pressure—have tested my patience, but they’ve also shown me the strength I never knew I had. Through it all, I’ve learned to embrace the small moments: the quiet cuddles, the giggles, and even the messy moments like a diaper blowout in a parking lot. These are the things I’ll look back on and laugh about.
I’ve learned that motherhood isn’t about perfection; it’s about being present and giving yourself grace. I realized that, while the first year brought hard times, it also brought countless blessings. I discovered the importance of building a solid support system—calling my mom friends, talking to my sisters, and leaning on my husband—and that asking for help is not a weakness, but a strength. Trusting my instincts and being gentle with myself have been crucial lessons.
Above all, I’ve come to understand that each stage of motherhood, while tough, is fleeting. The challenges today might seem overwhelming, but looking back, they’ll just be a beautiful part of the journey. So, take it day by day, embrace the chaos, and cherish the sweet moments with your little one. You’re doing amazing, and as hard as it is, it’s all worth it.
