How to safely do bed sharing (co sleeping) with newborn
Did you know that almost all parents share their bed with their baby at some point? In this blog I share how you can do bed sharing with your newborn safely and even comfortably.
What is co sleeping and what is bed sharing?
Co sleeping is often revered as sleeping on the same surface. Some parents make a difference between co sleeping in a co sleeper next to their bed and sharing a bed completely. Officially both is revered to as co sleeping. Co sleeping also includes sleeping with your baby on a couch, chair or other surface.
Bed sharing refers specifically to sleeping with your baby in the same bed. This practice really depends on the culture and the country you live in. I live in the Netherlands where the authorities will tell you that bed sharing is dangerous and leading to a greater risk for SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). I heard about women practicting bed sharing so I asked myself: can you do bed sharing safely with a newborn? Here’s the answer.
Is it possible to safely do bed sharing with a newborn?
YES it is! When I was a few months postpartum I stumbled accross this amazing protocol. It is packed with research about sleeping together in one bed or in other words how to do bed sharing with a newborn safely. Because a whole paper is a lot to work through the organization ‘la leche league’ developed the ‘safe sleep seven’. According to all this research bed sharing can be done safely with a newborn if you are:
1. A nonsmoker
2. Sober and unimpaired
3. A breastfeeding mother and your baby is:
4. Healthy and full-term
5. On his back
6. Lightly dressed
7. On a safe surface
They even wrote a song about the safe seven (to the tune of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”)
No smoke, sober mom
Baby at your breast
Healthy baby on his back
Keep him lightly dressed.
Not too soft a bed
Watch the cords and gaps
Keep the covers off his head
For your nights and naps.
Let me explain some of those points a little more.
Bed sharing with a newborn is only safe for breastfeeding moms
So while smoking, drinking and taking drugs may be an obvious reason that you are not able to co sleep safely not breastfeeding is too. If you are under influence of a substance you might sleep deeper than naturally and are at risk to roll over your baby or not notice if your baby moves into an unfavorable position.
Breastfeeding hormones actually help making you more awake. Did you even ask yourself why your husband thinks it was a great night even though baby woke up 4 times? As moms you have a natural instinct to sleep lighter knowing that the baby depends on you. Breastfeeding hormones support this exact mechanism. Most studies were therefore conducted with only exclusively breastfeeding mothers.
So the reason why this is one of the safe seven is partially because of the breastfeeding hormones and partially because of the lack of research about bed sharing and formula feeding moms.
What does bed sharing has to do with a healthy and full term baby?
Babies that are born prematurely or with a birthweight under 2.5 kg (5.5 pounds) are more at risk for SIDS. Therefore bed sharing can form a greater risk for them than for babies within a healthy weight range. Of course you can bed share with your baby at some point as they grow. Talk to your care provider about this.
If you have a little baby consider placing a co sleeper or crib right next to your bed. According to the research above and the national health services of the UK sleeping with your baby in one room reduces the risks of SIDS for any baby.
How does safely bed sharing look with a newborn?
If you want to practice bed sharing safely and all the criteria above are met try to set up your bed as following.
Create enough space for you and your baby. If you share your bed with your partner you will likely need more than one half of the bed. Consider using separate blankets so that you can lay your baby in between both of you. Even if you will protect your baby from your husband rolling over it can be easy to lay with your back towards your husband. In that case make sure that your baby cannot fall from the bed or can get stuck in a wall. Make sure that the space is clean where your baby lays, no extra blankets or pillows.
When everything is cleared cloth yourself so warm that you don’t need a blanket at all or are warm enough with only covering your legs. Your baby should wear a sleeping bag adjusted to the temperature. Consider that you will be warming your baby with your body warmth as well.
Lay into the C position and place your baby under your stretched arm as demonstrated below. Your arm and your legs are protecting your baby from moving upwards or downwards.
What are the advantages of safely bed sharing with your newborn?
There are different advantages to bed sharing safely with a newborn. Let me name my top 3:
- You get more sleep
- Breastfeeding goes easier
- Intentionally bed sharing is safer then doing it unplanned
Getting more sleep
The moment we started bed sharing with our newborn I started to get sleep again. Newborns are not used to be alone in a quiet and cold room. They are used to be rocked all the time in mom’s warm and cosy womb. All of a sudden we need them to sleep at night alone in their bed. Most of the times that simply doesn’t work out well. When you are bed sharing you can simply close your eyes after (or while) breastfeeding instead of doing the dreaded laying aside your baby.
Read my blog about being overwhelmed as a new mom to learn about how to deal with sleep deprivation.
Breastfeeding goes easier
Infants need to feed often and for a long time. Normally feeding sessions take a while in the beginning and as they are done they already want to nurse again. If you have to get up at night to breastfeed again and again you will likely try something to make baby nurse less or substitute with pumped milk or formula at some point. The very regular stimulation of your breasts will lead to a better supply. Therefore it is best to keep up the frequent feedings also at night. Did you know that sitting up will wake you up more? If you can keep lying while breastfeeding your baby you will wake her up less but also yourself.
Planned bed sharing with a newborn is safer
Most parents co sleep at some point with their newborn. There are very interesting studies done about how often mothers fall asleep feeding their babies in a chair of co sleeping on couches. As you can imagine all those places are completely unsafe to practice bed sharing. Baby can roll off and fall or get in between all the pillows. But if you are running on a few hours of sleep for weeks, you simply are tired and human and will fall a sleep eventually while holding your baby. If you do planned bed sharing you can minimize all of those hazards and reduce the risk for SIDS to the same numbers as if your baby sleeps in a crib.
What are disadvantages of bed sharing with a newborn?
Even if I am fully supporting bed sharing it obviously is not all roses. Because even if it sounds all snuggly and nice: you are sleeping with a newborn. That means laying in a certain position, all night long always looking if baby is still breathing. Here are my top 4 disadvantages.
- It can be uncomfortable
- You have to go to bed when baby goes to bed
- You loose us time with your husband
- You are conscious all night long
Let’s face it. Laying all night long in the same position without a blanket can be very uncomfortable. Not for nothing there are forums filled with the question how to overcome the hip pain when bed sharing. Read along as I share some of my tips against those discomforts.
Babies sleep a lot If your baby only sleeps next to you, you will spend a lot of time in bed. One solution to this can be carried naps until you go to bed yourself.
As long as you have a baby in your bed you will miss that space together with your husband. You might think that this is not such a big deal but I really missed the little talks and snuggles before going to sleep.
Because you are responsible that nothing rolls over your baby you are conscious how you sleep all night long every night. This is better than no sleep for sure but I cannot deny that I really enjoyed the day I could freely roll over in my own bed.
How to do make bed sharing comfortable with your newborn
When you practice safely bed sharing with your newborn you will likely find it uncomfortable lying in the same position all night long. Some moms seem to have no issues with it whatsoever but I really had back and hip pain that would keep me awake. That way I was lying next to a sleeping baby awake at 4 a.m. Here are my tips to make bed sharing as comfortable as possible.
How can I lay comfortably in the same position
The easy answer to this might be: you will not be able to do that! If you find yourself in pain lying on one side you can switch after breastfeeding one side turning to the other side. Having two separate blankets for you and your husband can help to keep husband’s blanket away when baby sleeps between both of you. If you turn to the side where the bed ends it can help to move so far into the middle of the bed that your whole arm can be stretched towards the edge. Your newborn will not be able to crawl that far without waking you.
Hip pain and bag pain
Lying flat on a side is not a sleeping position that I was used to at all. During pregnancy I had to sleep that way and I used to have a large pillow all around me supporting me. When you practice bed sharing you can still have a pillow between your legs and also behind your back for extra support. That way I could eliminate the hip pain almost completely.
Can I lay on my back?
Officially laying on your back and guarding your baby with a stretched arm and bend knee is not a safe bed sharing position. However I lied on a pillow to shift my weight from my side to my back. That way I was still facing my baby but did not fully lye on my side.
How do deal with the cold
Ideally your room is between 61°F and 65°F (or 16-18°C). That is not really warm considering you don’t wear a blanket. When you are breastfeeding often and sometimes even sleep with your baby latched you can be partially uncovered as well. My tip is to wear one or even two sweaters that are cut for breastfeeding. That way you stay warm and still can uncover your breast to nurse.
What do I do if my baby only want’s to sleep while nursing?
To practice safe bed sharing you will likely nurse your baby to sleep and then go from there. Sometimes babies can sleep very deeply latched to your breast and then wake up the second you unlatch them. As long as you don’t have any painful nipples that isn’t really a problem. However baby should lay on his back as much as possible to sleep safely. Sometimes my baby would role over to her back latched still and I would just leave it that way and go to sleep. Eventually she let go but we both were in dreamland at that point.
If I practice bed sharing safely will my baby ever learn to sleep in her own crib?
This question was something that bothered me and my husband when we started bed sharing. If you are wondering if your baby will ever sleep in her own bed one day read my blog about how to sleep train your little one. We did bed sharing only when our baby was struggling to sleep. Often she would be content with sleeping in her own crib. At 6 months she started to be much more active and bed sharing got more and more complicated. We decided to sleep train her and she is sleeping soundly in her own bed ever since.
What are your experiences and struggles with bed sharing? How did you solve it? Leave a reply I would love to read all about it!
