How to be less overwhelmed as a new mom
As a first time mom everything is completely new. Your body, baby, day and even relationships change from one day to the other. In this blog post I share tips that focus on you as mom and less on your little newborn on how to be less overwhelmed as a brand new mom.
When will I ever sleep again?
One thing that overwhelmed me quickly as a new mom was the lack of sleep I got. In this blog I share my tips on sleeptraining so read that if you have an older baby and wonder how you ever get her to sleep.
With newborns it is different though. Letting them cry is not recommended and will likely not get you less stress at all. This research paper explains why newborns are such bad sleepers. The circadian rhythm is the day night pattern your baby follows. Well or better said: doesn’t follow. The ability to stay awake during the day and sleep during the night depends on many factors that develop after birth. Within the first three months of a babies life they usually learn that there is a day to be awake in and a night to sleep. So let me encourage you: it will definitely get better. Most parents notice an improvement somewhere 6-8 weeks after the due date when their baby starts to sleep more at night and be more awake during the day.
How to deal with sleep deprivation to be less overwhelmed as a new mom
Even if your baby will sleep better eventually you might feel like you cannot survive like this another night. For me sleep deprivation alone was not even the worst thing. I mean I sure felt tired during the day but then I was not feeling that bad about it. But staying awake during the night when everyone else is sleeping and you have no distractions whatsoever – that was difficult! Therefore I have 3 tips to keep you going:
- Sleep at least once during the day
- Make yourself comfortable with a rocking chair
- Consider bedsharing
Sleeping during the day helped me in the first time to have some extra hours of sleep that I missed during the night. At first it seemed impossible to sleep during the day because of my baby, breastfeeding, husband, family, household, eating and many more reasons. But after I made it a priority to sleep during the day I discovered that everything can fit around it.
After we installed our amazing and cosy rocking chair and a baby swing it became much easier to comfort my baby at night. I did not have to walk with her in my arms and my baby would cry much less as well.
Bedsharing, or in other words sleeping with your baby in the same bed, is often revered as a risk for the baby but that does not have to be the case. This researched backed protocol shows that you can practice bedsharing safely without increasing the risk for your baby. Read more about how you can sleep with your baby in your bed here. After I learned about this method I structurally got more sleep and was less overwhelmed as a new mom!
Eating healthy and exercising as an (overwhelmed) new mom
.Here are my tips to help getting those movements and healthy calories even though you feel overwhelmed and tired as a new mom.
- Get nuts and dried berries
- Use frozen veggies and fruit
- Follow workouts in bed for your core and pelvic floor
- Go for short walks
Especially the first two weeks postpartum I was hungry all the time. I woke up in the morning and my baby would still sleep but I was so hungry that I could simply not skip breakfast. Having a big container of nuts and dried, unsweetened berries in my bed helped me so much eating quick and healthy calories at night between breastfeeding sessions without having to leave my bed.
Eating yoghurt with thawed fruits and berries is an easy way to get in some fruit without having to cut it. Same goes with veggies. Just cook frozen pre cut veggies in water and add them to a meal, no cutting or complicated preparation.
Especially in the first few months you should not get heavy exercise in at all. Focus on workouts to restore your pelvic floor and core muscles. Many of those exercises you can do lying in your bed when your hubby changes the baby or you are chatting with your visiting family.
Lastly it might give you energy to go for short even only 5 minute walks. Make sure to rest the first 10-14 days after birth and start really slowly after that.
Your body is not yours still
Something that overwhelmed me as a new mom was the fact that my body still was not mine. It felt even less mine than before giving birth. First of all it didn’t look like my body at all! I was not fit and able to do even easy tasks without feeling exhausted or having pains.
On top of that I had a baby breastfeed one third of the day occupying me quit literally. Even though she was not inside of me, she was on me most of the time and at night I shared a bed with her. If this is not overwhelming I don’t know what is!
Let me encourage you with putting things into perspective. I wrote a whole blog about how to love your body after a baby. Eventually you can succeed in loving and accepting your body even though it is different. After all, it is you, just looking different.
More so you won’t be breastfeeding the rest of your life. Even if you are able and choose to breastfeed for months and even years, your baby will likely drink less often or at least less long than in the beginning. My girl of 10 months drinks as often as right after birth but feedings will take no longer than 10 minutes. However it will look for you, it will not stay as intense as it is right now. Remind yourself again and again on the timeline and try to be patient. I used to joke to my husband that in 15 years she will not likely sleep in our beds after all! Keep reading as I share tips to help to put things into perspective.
Being overwhelmed as a new mom and wife
It can be really difficult to navigate your relationship with your husband those first months after birth. At one hand you have this beautiful little creature that is half you, half him, how amazing is that! At the other hand you both are tired and probably spend less time together than ever.
Sometimes it can feel like you are torn between needs. Your baby lets you know constantly that it needs you almost every minute of the day. If baby is sleeping your relationship and partner needs you, and later your household, job, family, friends, church, hobbies… For me it sometimes felt (and feels) like I was running from one thing to the other. I was busy from the minute I woke up to the minute I went to sleep. So called ‘me time’ were the 10 minutes I spent under the shower, hoping baby would not wake up.
It reminded me at the mom movies where the actresses were complaining about being a maid and only serving others. Funnily enough I didn’t feel unhappy because of the high ‘workload’. Those three things can help you to feel less frustrated and overwhelmed when for a season you have less me time.
- Chose to be grateful that you are a mom
- Don’t have unrealistic expectations
- Try to see things in perspective
Gratefulness as an overwhelmed new mom
I truly believe that gratefulness can change your attitude and satisfaction towards simply everything. Becoming a mom was one of the biggest blessings I received and will ever receive! To remind yourself daily on how grateful you are to have all this work will take some of the load off.
Now don’t get me wrong. There is something as cheap and forced gratefulness. This false gratefulness works counterproductive and really doesn’t help anything. I mean just because you are grateful to be a mom doesn’t make it easy or joyful all the time! Not at all. Don’t try to put away feelings of overwhelm and replace them with a forced sense of gratefulness. It will simply lead to feeling guilty and possibly even more overwhelmed as a new mom.
It is okey to not feel happy and grateful all the time and for everything. Even so try to maintain a balance. Choose your person to complain. Maybe your mom, sister or a good friend that will hear you out and makes you feel understood. Or even choose a time of the day where you can complain and be honest about the frustrating things of motherhood. Whatever you do, try to limit complaining in order for it to not get too dominant. That way you make sure that you are not going overboard with complaint but stay honest to yourself along that way.
Try to think daily about affirmations that encourage you to focus on the positive. Download my free template for daily affirmations,
What are realistic expectations?
Sometimes I feel like people that have no children expect the worst things possible. That you don’t sleep at all, the baby cries all day long, your nipples crack open after the first feeding and you don’t speak to your husband about anything else than poopy diapers for the first 3 years of babies life.
And even if you are prepared that it can be hard, actually doing it can still hit you by surprise. My tip is to try to let go of your expectations all together. It really doesn’t change anything about your situation at all whether you expect something to go better or worse. Try to simply accept that it is the way it is right now and that you have only very limited influence on the way it will be the next few months.
If you feel like something is off trust your gut. Try to use your time and energy to find a solution if something really doesn’t feel normal. Usually your gut is a pretty good instrument even if you are a mom for the first time. Try to let go of the things that are not pleasant but not abnormal either.
Seeing things in perspective as a overwhelmed new mom
If nothing helps to change the current situation, it can help to put things into perspective. The minutes run so slowly when you are rocking your baby in the middle of the night not getting any sleep. But looking back the weeks and months with a newborn baby seemed to fly by.
Try to imagine how life will look like in a few years or even 10 or 20 years down the line with this little bundle of joy. A youtuber that inspires me said once that now her life feels really full but when she is older she wants to have a full kitchen table with her children, children-in-law, grandchildren and later even great grand children. If you keep your vision on your goals in mind the present might seem less burdening.
Dealing with anxiety as a new mom
In this study 1in 5 women experiences postpartum anxiety. That really is a lot! And even if you don’t experience an anxiety disorder there are new fears unlocked with the arrival of a new vulnerable life.
If you want there are endless opportunities to worry and fear the worst case scenarios for our little babies. The fact that your baby is complexity dependent on you as parents and in this first weeks especially on you as a new mom is another big reason to feel overwhelmed.
Try to speak with your husband, family and friends about this feelings. It can already help to express those words and fears to take the edge off them. Another thing that I love to do is praying about my fears to God. It gives me trust that He is caring for my baby too, even more than I do. In the bible God says:
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
We can be sure that He helps us and holds His hand over our little babies too. Pin this beautiful verse above your changing table to remind you again and again that you are not alone in caring for and protecting this precious, cute little newborn.
What helps you when you are overwhelmed as a new mom? Share it in the comments, I would love to read all about it!
